Buffy the SoCalled Vampire Slayer
by Heavensdevil777
Summary: Buffy's world is inexplicably turned upside down when her second school in Sunnydale is burnt to the ground, she and the rest of the scoobies suspect foul play and go demon hunting to find some answers.
1. You and I

**Tonightless**  
><strong>Chapter I<strong>: "_You and I_"

*I didn't know that Three Rivers was actually located in Philadelphia until AFTER I wrote the story, don't flame for that okay. Also the character is kind of an airhead and a bit of a slut, but not really because she's good-hearted and means well.

I love Tom Hardy so very fucking much it hurts. I even went to go see that shitty Star Trek movie just to see him in it. My name is Mixolydia Charice Jade Fyre; but my friends call me "Lydia" for short. I have very long platinum blond hair that cascades down the back of my supple tan body. I am only eighteen, but people say I am very wise for my age. I once helped my dad pass a litmus test, but that's another story entirely. Anyway, I am five feet-and seven inches tall, I LOVE the color pink and other off/on variants of pink. I love cats and I am a HUGE animal lover! I really, really like anime, but I sometimes think people miss the point of manga; I mean even though I liked it way back before it was mainstream and totally conformist. I have aqua colored eyes with long black eyelashes. I tend to wear coquettish tops and skirts. I have fifty pets; well one of them is my baby Chinese dragon, his name is Muu. I also have a pet bat named Tacquito but he isn't Mexican. Anyway back to my story, I love Tom Hardy so much that I would drop a house on anyone just to be near him, he is so unimaginably perfect! I really admire Lady Gaga, she really is an inspiration and an icon for today's struggling youth. A lot of people say that I look like Lady Gaga, but with Madonna's face. And people are always telling me that I have the energy and spirit of Britney Spears; before she was bald and fat, but after she was pretty again. God I wish I had my own "K-Fed", I would name him 'Gummi' and keep him in my private closet. Later that day I noticed a white moving van outside so I decided to check it out to investigate it. When I stepped outside with my pixie wings on my back and carrying my red Hello Kitty lunchbox, I nearly died when I saw him standing there; it was HIM! It was Tom Fucking Hardy! My heart was going one hundred miles an hour and I was nervous and sweaty all of a sudden. I stood there for a few minutes watching as the Mexican movers carried off his stuff. Rihanna was playing on the radio specifically "S&M" was playing. Oh god now I was even hornier than before, now I felt a tingling sensation down below in my dark zone. It either meant I had to pee or I had Chlamydia (that rhymes with my name). I almost died when I caught him looking at me, I quickly darted behind a tree and checked my pits to be sure they weren't too smelly from the sweat. I sniffed them and they smelled "o.k." I whistled the tune of "All that she wants" and summoned 'Muu'; my turquoise and pink-polka dotted Chinese dragon. He had been watching the Nanny up in the attic where we keep him (he loves Fran Drescher). He talked with a lisp and spits a lot when he spoke. "You sthummoned me your greathness?" he lisped. "Yes Muu, please bring me some deodorant, I can't leave because if I do Tom might see me." I ordered. "Oh my gothsh Tom Harthy is here!" Muu squawked. "Keep it down!" I ordered. "Yes, he's over thereunpacking. Now please hurry!" I commanded. "Don'th worry sthweetie, you can count on me!" Muu lipsed before disappearing in a puff of pink smoke. I know he looks, sounds, and acts EXTREMELY gay but he isn't, Muu is actually straight and is dating a Hispanic woman named 'Esperanza'. I peeked around the tree; the van was still there, the movers still carrying boxes of stuff but no sign of Tom. "Damn!" I said under my breath. "Damn what?" Tom asked, coming around the other side of the tree. "Oh my god!" I cried. "Are you okay?" he asked. I nodded bervously, "Y-Y-Yes J-J-Just a little G-G-Gardening." I stuttered. Shit! I always stutter whenever I am nervous. "Is that a hello kitty lunchbox; did you have lunch yet?" He asked. "N-N-N-No G-G-G-G-G-God D-D-D-D-D-Dammit!" I stuttered. "Did I upset you?" He wondered. "N-No, J-Just my nerves; I S-S-Stutter W-When I'm N-Nervous." I explained. "That's so cute!" He said with a smile. "T-Thanks…" I said, feeling better about the god-awful stuttering. "My name is Isidore, what is yours?" He asked. "My name is – WHAT!" I freaked out, "Isidore? You're Tom Fucking Hardy!" I yelled. "No, my name is Isidore Polish (like nail polish ), I just moved here from Chicago." He explained. "I guess that explains the lack of an English accent." I acknowledged. Actually, come to think of it this guy looked a lot more different than Tom than I thought. Firstly, he had jet black hair and was slender and hot like before Tom gained all of that weight, went bald, and got a porn-star sheriff moustache for that one movie. Secondly, his eyes were yellow like a cat's, whereas Tom's were green or some kind of blue. Thirdly, he was like younger than Tom or something close to my age – but more or less he still looked like Tom, especially those hot lips attached to that hot mouth. "So…?" "So?" I replied. "Your name?" he asked. "Oh sorry; I'm Lydia!" I said cheerfully. "You're not one of those annoying cheery Final Fantasy type of girl are you?" he asked. "No…." I Hesitated, and died a lottle inside. "That's good because their optimism depresses me; I mean it really pisses me off, especially that Vanille girl." Isidore ranted. "I agree…?" I said, dying even more inside. This guy was becoming more of a fuckwad-buzzkill by the second. "So…anything else you hate?" "What?" he asked. "Who?" I replied. "When?" he said. "Lunch?" I asked. "Here?" He wondered. "Okay!" I cheered. Crimson and Clover played on the radio as I sexily opened up my red hello kitty lunchbox, and coyly took out a pink table cloth and neatly laid it atop of the grass. I carefully reached in and retrieved a zip-lock bag of muffins I had made. "Wanna try my muffin?" I asked innocently. "I'd love to try your muffin." He replied. I handed him a blueberry muffin while I coyly nibbled on a strawberry one. I stretched my legs out and bit my lip as I watched him eat a small portion of his muffin; carefully licking an edge of it with his pink tongue before taking a bite. "I like your lunchbox." He said, "It's cute." "Thank you." I replied. "Do you ever pack any meat in there?" He asked. I giggled, "I pack a lot of meat in my lunchbox." I said licking my lips. "Does it ever get cramped inside of there?" He wondered. "Nuh-uh." I said, "There's plenty of room."  
>"That's good." He said, "Maybe I will let you hold my pepperoni in there someday." He suggested with a wink. "Yes of course!" I chimed, "Someday that is…" I added. Just then there was a burst of purple and pink confetti and Muu appeared holding a bar of Dove Women's deodorant. "I'm heeeeere!" He announced. "You're late!" I yelled. "Sthorry sthweetie, I waths caught up in ma stories." He explained. "God! You are impossible sometimes!" I chided him. "Here ya go sthweetie!" He said tossing the bar of deodorant to me. "Just beat it okay, I'm on a date!" I hollered at him. Muu gasped, "Oh my gad sthweetie I had no idea! I'll leave at oneths!" he said disappearing into thin air. I returned my attention to Isidore; "Now where were we?" I asked with a coy smile. "Lydia?" "Yes?" I replied. "You called it a date?" He exclaimed. "I did?" "Yes you did." He confirmed. "Aw snap G I'm sorry!" I apologized, "Home-boy meany no disrespect." "What are you doing?" He asked. "I talk in ebonics whenever I am apologetic home-dog." I explained. "Shit Lydia, for a cute-looking girl you sure have a lot of fucked up problems." Isidore said kinda judgmentally. "Oh gee I'm…" "That's why I LIKE you even more now." He continued. My heart soared again; "What?" I asked. "Yea, I'm REALLY fucked up too!" He admitted. "Well I wouldn't label myself as 'fucked up'." I said, "I prefer to call them 'cute tics'." I corrected him. "Come on Lydia, let me show you MY 'cute tics'." He said helping me to my feet. <div> 


	2. Bad Romance

Tonightless  
><strong>Chapter II<strong>: "_Bad Romance_"

*I know my story is labeled as "Buffy" fiction and there haven't been any BTVS characters introduced yet but please keep reading they will be introduced soon!

As I left the safety and comfort of my front-yard, "Mr. Brightside" by the Killers was playing on the radio. Isidore led me by hand up the hill to his lavish McMansion house that stood fifty feet tall and spanned thirty acres (the backyard included obviously**) **

"Wow! Sure is big!" I noted.

"You've only seen the mansion, there are OTHER big things to see." He said.

I covered my mouth as I giggled coyly, anticipating a very, very fucking large body part. I began to drool like a dog sitting outside the window of a delicatessen.

"I hope this 'bigger thing' won't hurt me." I said coyly.

"You may drown if you're not careful." He replied.

Oh my god it's HUGE, I just know it is. And he is clearly hinting that he comes like a racehorse, no way he "you-know-whats" like a stallion I'll bet! Isidore led me up to the steps of his mansion and asked me to close my eyes so I did (oh my god he's totally gonna ask me to blow him I just know it!) Isidore led me into the mansion, eyes still shut and through some narrow hallways and doorways we finally stopped moving when we at last reached the right spot. With my eyes still shut I could only guess what kind of room I was in, the master bedroom perhaps, or maybe a secret sex dungeon; the perfect place to lose your secondary virginity in.

"You can open your eyes now." He said. So I opened my eyes and I was amazed, shocked, surprised, and astonished that I was standing before an Olympic-sized indoor swimming pool.

"Do you swim?" he asked me.

"Sometimes when I take a shower I sit on the tile floor." I replied.

"Oh…well do you want to try?" He asked me.

"Try what?" I asked.

"Swimming?" He answered.

"Oh no I can't, I left my swimsuit at home!" I said.

"Dammit!" He cursed.

"It's okay we can do 'other' things instead." I said.

"Really? Like what kind of other things?" He wondered.

That's when I reached my arms around his waist and pulled him in and reclined my hands onto his shoulders while kissing him on the mouth. I decided to be a little kinky and used my tongue the first time with him, he apparently liked it as he batted my tongue back with his own tongue and stuck it down my throat.  
>We were heavily petting one another; I was running my hands up and down his black Blink 182 T-shirt and feeling up his pecs and his nips underneath were hard. He played with my corset and asked if I was wearing a bra and I said I wasn't; I was wearing a bustier. I could tell that had turned him on BIG time, like he had a hard time getting up after that.<p>

But just then the door flew open and standing there was the evil fascist bitch who smoked too much; A.K.A. "Linda", my mom.

"Get your shit and get out, we're goin' home!" She yelled across the room.

Later I screamed at her for ruining my perfect date and called her a dry, washed up, old, prune-faced, haggard, cougar-bitch. She threatened to call my dad at work (who was really with his concubine, Madelina). So I screamed and ran upstairs and slammed the door shut.


	3. Speechless

Tonightless  
><strong>Chapter III<strong>: "_Speechless_"

*For the record 'Muu' is NOT gay he's straight, he just talks like a lisp but a lot of people talk that way like Sylvester.

I buried my face in my Inuyasha plush doll as I cried my eyes out. Muu popped in to console me.

"Whaths the matter sthweetie?" He asked me.

"It's my mom." I said, "She's a dumb, controlling, misandronist, fascist bitch!" I cried.

"I'm a monster; she doesn't understand what I like." I added.

"Oh sthweetie, it'll be okay I justh know it will." He said.

"I don't care!" I cried, "I don't want to be here right now, take me away; anywhere, no take me to Isidore's house – to his bedroom window." I commanded Muu.

"Okay sthweetiekins if thath's what you want." Muu said.

"It is!" I cried, "Now let's go!" I ordered.

I hopped onto Muu's back and he flew me over to Isidore's mansion, up to the fifty-second floor where his bedroom was. Muu landing on the scaffolding and we climbed down onto the bedroom balcony for a better look. Inside there was a fat, old, ugly lady with ratty brown hair, a wart-covered face, a hunchback, and an eye-patch.

"She must be Isidore's mom." I guessed.

"What a sick bitch!" Muu whispered.

Inside, the wart-faced, fat, ugly, hunchbacked, eye-patch wearing old woman was giving Isidore the riot act:

"You've got some nerve bringing that hoodrat skank into MY house!" She yelled.

"Do you realize I JUST had the carpets CLEANED!" She screamed. The mean fat old lady was hunched, and wore a white nurse's uniform and had big fat red lips and big yellow buck teeth.

"If I ever catch you in here with a whore like her again I'll sell your ass on the black market or Craig's list." She yelled again.

"I'm sorry mother but I…"

"NO FUCKING BUTTS!" She interrupted. "She's a hoodlum, a skank, and a prostitute, and that's all YOU need to know about that little bitch!" She screamed.

I balled up my fists and gritted my teeth at her ridiculous accusations she was throwing at poor Isidore. I was NOT a hooker, because if I was then I'd totally have my own place (duh )!

"I know someone MUCH better than that slut next door!" She spouted. "Oh really?" I thought.

"She is a nice girl who lives up the street at 666 North, Charnel House." She added.

I gasped when I heard her say that, she didn't even have to open the door for ne to know who it was behind it, it was…

"Let me introduce you to Aria-Shantell Charnel!" the fat bitch said as she opened the bedroom door to let a skinny, red-haired, human bicycle into the room. The skinny freak bitch immediately cozied up to Isidore.

"Hi Izzy, ya mind if I call you that?" She said with an obnoxious nasally voice, reminiscent of a New York/Bostonian accent.

"She sounds like Fran Drescher." Muu commented.

"SHHH!" I shushed him.

After silencing Muu I continued my eavesdropping, the skinny, redheaded-skank was all up in Isidore's business.

"So Izzy, do ya wanna go out for some coffee?" She offered him.

"Ummm I think have to study." Isidore replied, but his fat-ass ugly wart-faced mother stepped in and interrupted:

"You don't HAVE school you're so perfect you graduated in the eighth grade REMEMBER dumbass!" She yelled at him. "Now go on your date with Aria or so help me God I will kill your ass!" She threatened him.

With no other choice, Isidore took the skinny bicycle bitch by the arm and escorted her outside to his 2008 Jetta and offered her a ride. The two got into the black car and sped off down the street. I was heartbroken even though I knew that he was doing this against his own will. I decided to go inside and investigate to find some answers for myself.

"I'm going in!" I announced to Muu.

"WHAAAAAAAT? You can't do that sthweetie what if you get caught!" He spazzed.

"That's a risk I'm going to have to take." I said dutifully as I slid open the balcony sliding door and stepped inside Isidore's room.

I ducked behind the curtain when I realized that the fat, ugly, old, wart-faced bitch was still in the room.

"Who the fuck left the damn door open!" She cried out.

I communicated to Muu telepathically and warned him not to linger out on the balcony, in case got caught. Muu warned me in return to leave quickly, but I declined – prioritizing making find out more about Isidore my first priority.  
>The fat old bitch waddled over to the glass sliding door and slid it shut again, this time locking it with the locking latch mechanism. I remained veiled behind the curtains until I heard the bedroom door close, alerting me the wart-faced bitch was gone.<p>

I stepped out from behind the curtain and peered through the glass slider, quickly unlocking and sliding it open. Once I spotted Muu hiding up on the scaffolding I motioned for him to come in, but he refused. After a few minutes of arguing Muu finally gave up and joined me on my investigation.

"What we're going is very illegal sthweetie!" Muu whispered nervously.

"Stop being such a worrywart." I said coolly, "Besides all I'm doing is a little research."

"You've got at leasth unlawful entering against you sthweetie!" Muu replied.

"Who cares?" I said, "Isidore's mom is a mean fat old hag who could use the calling card of my mom's cosmetologist." I added.

Muu performed a little prayer by forming the Catholic cross before assisting me on my investigation.

"What're we looking for anyway honey?" Muu asked me.

"Evidence." I said as-a-matter-of-factly.

"Whath kind of evidenths?" Muu asked.

"The secret kind." I answered.

"Where should I look?" Muu wondered.

"Just open up some drawers and start going through stuff." I said.

I started my investigation off by opening up a chest sitting at the foot of Isidore's California King-Sized bed. "Aha!" I exclaimed, before quickly shushing myself. I pulled out my fingernail file and used it to pry open the chest and flipped open the lid. Inside of the chest, the contents contained inside of it horrified me.

"Look what I found!" Muu exclaimed.

"What?" I asked.

"These!" He squealed excitedly holding up several pairs of boxer shorts. I rolled my eyes and continued investigating the contents of the mystery chest. After a few minutes of searching I struck gold, or oil, or whatever that expression is. It was big, my find was HUGE and it was going to ruin a couple of lives or two.

"This is it; this is what I have been looking for!" I proclaimed.

"Whath is it honey?" Muu asked.

"I'll show you later, we gotta leave now!" I ordered.

"Okay sthweetie but do you want a souvenir first?" Muu asked me, holding a red and a gold pair of boxers.

"Take the gold, leave the rest." I commanded before exiting onto the balcony, with Muu in pursuit.

"Muu, take me home!" I ordered him.

"Okay you goth it sthweethearth!" He lisped before carrying me away from Isidore's house.


	4. Dance in the Dark

Tonightless  
><strong>Chapter IV<strong>: "_Dance in the Dark_"

I was at home in my bedroom about to reveal to Muu the secret that I uncovered from Isidore's house. "Mac Arthur Park" by Donna Summers was playing on my Sirius XM radio. I took a deep breath and braced myself for the worst. Ironically Muu looked the most apprehensive out of the two of us.

"What is it honey?" He inquired.

"Something that is going to CHANGE everything!" I exclaimed.

"But whath is it?" He asked.

"Yearbooks." I said.

"Yearbooks?" He reiterated.

"Yeah." I replied, holding up a class of 1979 year book for Muu to see.

"Honey whaths so bad about a yearbook?" Muu wondered.

"Nothing, except the particular YEAR of the book." I answered.

"Whath do ya mean sthweetie?" Muu asked.

I opened the 1979 year book and began thumbing through all of the pages until I came to the senior class pictures, and sure enough there was Isidore's mom's picture.

"Well whath is it sthweetie?" Muu asked.

"God she was a fat, ugly wart-face even back then!" I exclaimed as I showed Muu the picture.

"JEEZUS KWIST!" Muu cried out.

"Yeah I know, she has always been so fat and ugly." I said.

"Stho…not to be wude or anythang but why did ya stheal those yearbooks?" Muu asked. "Becthause it don't look as though there'th anythang important in there." Muu added.

"Yeah I know," I said. "I was just curious how old he REALLY is and what he possibly looked like in junior high school." I added.

"Oh sthweetie you had my nerves in a blender!" He complained. "I thought you found a nuqueer bomb or sumfin!" He lisped.

"Hey hand me those boxers!" I said enthusiastically.

"Here ya go sthweetie!" He said handing me the pair of Isidore's golden shorts.

Muu stood there motionless, staring at me for several minutes before speaking up.

"Well?" He asked.

"Well what?" I replied.

"Aren't-cha gonna sniff 'em?" He wondered.

"No!" I scoffed.

"Well whateva sthweetie I'm off to catch my Z's!" Muu said blowing me a kiss before disappearing in a puff of pink smoke. Actually I was going to smell them, I held them outward and placed my face directly into the crotch of the boxers and took one long sniff, being sure to inhale any traces of man musk my olfactories could pick up. They were clean, too clean.

"Damn it!" I shouted, "I'll pick up a used pair next time." I assured myself before going off to sleep.

Later the next day I was sitting in the cafeteria of my school; Liberty High School. It wasn't lunch time yet and I probably had a class I was supposed to be in, but I didn't care, this was much too important for some boring old biology class.  
>I sat on a table in the darkest section of the cafeteria so as to not attract attention to myself. I took off my hot pink Unicorn backpack and unzipped it all the way, I reached in and retrieved a zip-lock bag containing Isidore's glowing pair of golden boxer shorts. I sat there on the table for a solid twenty minutes staring into them like a fat person hypnotized by a Burger King ad on TV. I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, my eyes did not dare to look away from the shiny shorts. Then there was a scuffling and a burst of laughter; my friend Rayanne and Angela bumped into me by accident.<p>

"Oops sorry kid!" Said Rayanne, still laughing.

"It's fine." I said reaching down to pick up the shorts, only for Rayanne to get them first.

"Oh man what's this all about?" Rayanne asked as she examined the zip-lock bag of shorts.

"Rayanne we should just give them back to her." Angela suggested.

"What you don't mind do you squirt?" Rayanne asked me.

"Well actually…"

"See?" Rayanne said, "Everything is hunky-dory!"

I hopped off the table and took my shorts back just as Principal Foster walked by and swiped Isidore's golden shorts.

"What the hell is this!" He cried, "Is this a new kind of drug you kids are on today?" He asked.

"No Mr. Foster, they're shorts." Rayanne said.

"Don't get smart with me you tramp!" Foster replied.

"They really are just boxer shorts." I said.

"If this IS a new drug like the ones those losers in Sunnydale are on YOU'RE all fucking exiled!" Foster yelled before storming off in a huff.

"What crawled up his butt and died?" Rayanne asked.

"Rayanne we should go, we have biology." Angela urged her.

"I'm gonna take a personal and blow it off, you coming?" She asked.

"I really should go to class…" Angela said.

"Angela, if you come with us I will get Brian to do our homework for us." I promised.

"You will?" Angela asked happily.

"Yup!" I replied.

"Well okay, as long as he won't mind." Angela said.

"Fuck him, he'll do it and he'll LOVVE it!" Rayanne added.

"Hell yeah!" I cheered, giving my girls a hugh-five.

Later that day we were at Rayanne's house and she was helping me dye my hair electric blue, Angela was making us tuna sandwiches in the kitchen.

"Hey Angel!" Rayanne called.

"Yeah?" Angela hollered back.

"How are those sandwiches coming, cos' I'm fucking starving!"

"Um they're almost done I just need to add the mayonnaise!" Angela replied.

"What!" Rayanne laughed.

Rayanne and I went into the kitchen to investigate and sure enough Angela had spread the fresh tuna from the cans onto the sandwich bread without mixing in the mayo.

"Dude you're supposed to mix it with the mayo first." Rayanne said with a laugh.

"Really?" Angela replied.

"Yeah man." Rayanne added.

"Oh shit I'm sorry guys, I screwed up." Angela apologized.

"It's okay." I said, "You probably should have done my hair anyway since yours looks so kick-ass right now." I added.

"But we can still eat those sandwiches." I said, "Without the mayo we won't get as many calories!" I exclaimed.

"That's right!" Rayanne agreed.

"That's a great idea Lydia, where did you get it from?" Angela asked me.

"I think it was from one of the biology classes I stayed awake through." I replied.

"Well maybe we should order a pizza for dinner, and we can eat these for now." Rayanne suggested. "Besides, the weed's made me like real fucking hungry." She added.

"Good idea!" I said, picking up the phone and dialing pizza hut.

Later the doorbell rang, Angela and Rayanne were watching cartoons and told me to get the door, so I did. I went into the living room and opened up the door, standing on porch was Brian Krakow.

"Oh hi Brian." I said, looking for a pizza.

"Don't 'hi' me you bitch!" He replied.

"Brian what's wrong!" I asked.

"Why the fuck you telling people I will do their homework for them!" Brian asked.

"Dude you LOVE homework!" I replied.

"Not the fucking point Lydia!" Brian shouted.

"Geez dude, lighten up! I WAS going to do IT with you but now you can forget it!" I yelled back.

Brian paused for a moment after I said that and thought to himself for a minute or two.

"Did you just say you would 'do it' with me?" He asked.

"Them, I meant I would do 'them' as in the homework with you-you sick pervert!" I answered back.

"Well fine!" He cried stomping down his foot and turning his bicycle around on the porch and speeding off through the driveway.

"By the way, here's your fucking pizza bitches!" He screamed tossing the pizza I ordered onto the front porch.

"You were late, I'm not paying for this!" I screamed back as I knelt down to pick up my pizza and returned to the living room.

"Pizza's here guys!" I yelled.

Rayanne and Angela entered the room and immediately went for the box of pizza, Rayanne tore the box open and grabbed the biggest slice she could find.

"What the fuck man the cheese is all sticking to box and stuff!" She complained.

"It was Brian…" I confessed.

"Krakow?" Rayanne guessed, "As in Mr.-Fucking-Know-It-All Krakow?" She added.

"Yes." I replied.

"Brian's our pizza guy?" Angela questioned.

"Yea but he was late and bitchy so I didn't tip him, nor pay for the pizza." I admitted.

"Right on girl!" Rayanne congratulated me with a high-five.

Later we were all sitting on the front porch eating the left over pizza crusts and sipping kool-aid and watching the sun set.

"Hey I heard we're gonna have some fresh meat at school tomorrow." Rayanne said with a grin.

"We're getting new students?" Angela asked.

"In the middle of the school year?" I added.

Rayanne nodded confidently and took a gulp of her kool-aid. "Yup, I heard from Foster that some students from Sunnydale are gonna be sharing our school with us." Rayanne explained.

"No fucking way!" I gasped.

"Way!" Rayanne exclaimed, "And that's only the icing on the cake." She added.

"What's the rest?" Angela inquired.

"Well one of the students there is a real troublemaker; a regular delinquent." Rayanne said. "Her name's Biff, Biffo, Biffy or something." Rayanne added.

"It's a she!" Angela exclaimed sounding surprised.

"Yeah, word is she burned down not only her old school in LA, but her second one in Sunnydale as well." Rayanne said.

"She sounds like a pyromaniac." I assumed.

"I'm telling ya this chick is definitely fucked up!" Rayanne asserted confidently.

"Wow, I wonder how she'll adjust." Angela wondered.

"Oh she'll have her little posse of fans from her old school with her so it won't be too bad." Rayanne added.

"Well I'm beat, I'm gonna call it a night girls." I said tiredly.

"Wait Lid you can't go just yet, we haven't started the party yet!" Rayanne exclaimed, jumping to her feet and presenting me with a joint.

"Smoke?" She asked.

"Well I really shouldn't on a school night, but maybe it will help me unwind." I said.

After a few hours of smoking pot, laughing, and eating potato chips, we were all tired and passed out on the couch of Rayanne's living room. I quietly summoned Muu outside and instructed him to get me home. It was three O' clock in the morning and school started at seven, I was to be up in two hours…it was going to be a long day.


	5. Eh, Eh

Tonightless  
><strong>Chapter V<strong>: "_Eh, Eh_"

It was five AM in the morning and I was so beat from partying and getting high the other day that I didn't even want to get up, but I knew I had an exam in Math later that day so I had to.  
>I forced myself out of bed and into the shower; I shampooed and conditioned my long perfectly silken electric blue hair and began to rub bubbles all over my smooth tanned body.<p>

After showering I wrapped a hot pink towel around myself and discreetly changed into a teal belly shirt with Britney Spears' face on it and a white miniskirt with matching knee boots. I changed out my gold bellyring for a platinum one because it matched the hair I had earlier ago. I summoned Muu into my room and had him tie my hair into pigtails and tied them with hair-ties shaped like cherries. _Just Dance_ by Lady Gaga was blaring on my radio, Linda; the bitch from hell AKA my mom was beating the wall with a broomstick and screaming at the top of her lungs for me to be quiet…but I didn't care.  
>After I was all dressed up I hustled downstairs, skipping breakfast and went out the door straight to school.<p>

When I arrived at the school lot it was like six O' clock in the morning, Rickie Martin (Rayanne's gay best friend) was waiting around for her in the parking lot.

"Hi Rickie!" I said with an enthusiastic wave.

"Hi Lids!" Rickie exclaimed super excitedly.

"Whore you waiting for?" I asked.

"The usual." Rickie said, "Miss lazyass herself." He added.  
>"Oh God!" I laughed, "I so need to get that bitch a new alarm clock!"<p>

Rickie laughed at my really funny and observant joke and proceeded to tell me something when all of a sudden big huge bright lights struck us in the faces and out of nowhere a big yellow school bus labeled: "Sunnydale" pulled up in the school parking lot. Rickie and I exchanged varied looks of concern to each other.

"Gee I wonder what they'll be like?" Rickie wondered/

"I'm sure they will be nice." I assumed.

"Really?" Rickie questioned, "Even that pyromaniac girl who burned down the school?"

"Well we don't KNOW if she really did it now do we?" I replied.

Rickie rolled his eyes and shook his head, "Yeah I guess you're right Lids."

"Of course I am, now let's go greet our new classmates!" I said excitedly.

As Rickie and I approached the school bus arm-in-arm and with a boisterous skip in our step, from out of nowhere I very FUCKING huge stretch limousine veered in front of us, cutting us off. The driver's side door popped open and a tall bald-haired man stepped out and scrambled to the very back of the stretch car and pulled open the door. Rickie and I gasped in anticipation as to whom it could have been. First we saw one red high-heel clad long sexy and tan leg, followed by another, and then it was a young woman of about eighteen with long dark hair and sexy lips (I'm bi in case you couldn't tell -_^). I didn't know who she was but whoever she was she was obviously rich; very FUCKING rich! She approached us wearing a pleated micro-miniskirt and a baby blue halter-top with an aquamarine cardigan over it. In her arms were a set of old blackened text books and on her right arm was a very black and expensive looking Prada handbag. She was also wearing a pair of Gucci sunglasses even though it was fall and still dark this time in the morning.

"Hey!" I shouted.

"Go hey yourself!" She snapped back as she forced her way between us, severing my link to Rickie.

"You cut us off!" I proclaimed.

The sexy young woman stopped with her back facing us and laughed, she slowly turned around one heel at a time and walked back over to us. She stopped when we were face-to-face and she removed her shades revealing her light brown eyes.

"I don't give a damn who I hurt around here got it?" She said snidely before storming off into the school.

"I think we just met Wicked Witch number one." Rickie said.

"No Rickie she is just troubled is all." I said, "But ya you're right she was pretty cunty."

Next a tall and pasty-faced ginger girl stepped off of the bus, followed by a shortish guy with brown hair, HUGE brown eyes, and big ears, and then another FUCKING hottie; she was my age and had blonde hair and hazel eyes and wore a black dress and a black top and wore black knee boots. She carried only one book; it was old looking but seemed to be in fine condition, and she carried on her left arm a white handbag.

"Hi guys welcome to school I'm Lydia!" I announced happily.

"Hi I'm Buffy; Buffy Summers." The smoking hot blonde said.

"I'm Willow, that's Xandir." Said the pasty ginger.

"Nice to meet you both!" I said shaking both their hands.

"So Lydia was it, how about giving us noobies the official tour?" Buffy asked.

"I'd be delighted!" I exclaimed, "Rickie, you coming?" I asked.

Rickie shook his head, "No I need to wait for Rayanne, but if you see Angela tell her I said 'hi'."

I nodded, "Okay; will do!" I said giving Rickie a "thumbs up".

I led Buffy, Xandir, and Willow all over the school until it was nearly class time and we regrouped in front of Miss Lavender's class; home room.

"I guess this is our first stop of the day?" Xandir guessed.

"You guessed right." I replied.

"Duh!" exclaimed Buffy.

"Obviously!" Willow scoffed.

I opened up the door and peered inside, the hot cunty bruntte from earlier was already inside the room, and sitting at MY desk no less.

"Oh no…" I groaned.

"What is it?" Buffy asked.

"It's her; that brunette girl from earlier." I answered.

"Was she a tall, slender, and very sexay?" Xandir asked.

"Look for yourself!" I replied.

Xandir popped his head into the room and then retracted it.

"Yup!" He nodded, "Its princess sunshine." He said.

"Princess Sunshine?" I questioned.

"Oh that's our nickname for Cordelia." Willow explained.

"Wow she does look like a princess." I said, "A real bitchy one at least." I added.

Just then Angela Chase came rushing around the corner and bumped into Xandir, for a few moments their eyes met.

"Oh I'm so sorry." Angela apologized.

"The pleasure's all mine." Xandir said with a cheesy-gay grin.

"I'm Angela." She said.

"Xander Harris." He said kissing her hand.

"OMFG Girl you getting some!" A familiar voice cried from beyond.

We all turned our heads and saw it was Rayanne and Rickie walking this way.

"Girl you on fire today!" Rayanne said a little buzzed.

"Rayanne, are you drunk?" Angela asked all concerned-like.

"Ummmm….what's the opposite of no, but means yes?" She replied.

"Oh my god you reek of beer!" Angela cried, "You ARE drunk!" She exclaimed.

"SHHHHHHHH…SHHHH!" Rayanne shushed Angela with her fingers drunkenly.

"Ryan this has got to stop!" Angela demanded.

Rayanne took a step back and glared at Angela; "Whore you; my motha?" She asked.

"Rayanne you know she didn't mean it like, she's just concerned that's all." Rickie chimed in.

Just then Miss Lavender stepped out into the hallway with us teenagers and glared us all down with her evil eyes.

"You miniscule dweebs, get into my classhole at once!" she ordered us all.

"I guess the drama ends for now." Buffy commentated casually. Then Rayanne totally gave her a "WTF" look on her face.

Meanwhile somewhere underground (I know this because I am telling this in the past okay), an evil ancient bean was digging his way through the erde with his bare claws, his name was Da Masta, and he was an old vamp. He was bald and his skin was pale and ugly and he had pointed ears and red eyes and long sharp claws and always wore black, kind of like a goth except he did not wear the makeup so more like a vamp only not the poser kind. Da Masta was tearing away at the foundation of the earth with his long sharp claws and finally said "fuck it" and took a break from it for a while. Then there was a blast of bright light and suddenly the room was filled with shadows.

"MASTER WHAT THE HELL ARE YOUR DOING!" the mysterious voice asked.

"Grizzle Greedygut!" Da Masta gasped.

"THAT'S LORD GRIZZLE GREEDYGUT YOU IMPOTENT BATFINK!" Greedygut yelled.

"Oh my god I am so sorry my lord!" Da Masta apologized.

"WHY AREN'T YOU DIGGING!" Greedygut asked.

"Uh well I've been digging four days and my claws are literally raw from digging." Da Masta explained.

"NO EXCUSES, START DIGGING!" Greedygut commanded.

"But my lord, my claws they hurt so very much so!" Da Master replied.

"FUCK THAT, YOU SHALL DIG OR I SHALL KILL THEE!" Greedygut threatened, "OR HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN OUR AGREEMENT?"  
>"Omfg!" Masta gasped, "I'm so sorry my lord I will get back on it at once!"<br>"GOOD, NOW DON'T STOP UNTIL YOU FIND THAT 'CERTAIN' GIRL!" Greedygut instructed.

"Yes of course my lord." Da Masta replied dutifully.

"DO NOT DISAPPOINT ME MASTER!" Greedygut yelled as he faded out of the room, returning the room to its original state.

"Shitfaced fucktard!" Da Masta cursed, "Why the fuck do I have to dig all of this shit; I'M DA MASTA?" He proclaimed angrily clawing away at the earth.

Later at school it was lunchtime and we were all sitting around the campus and eating and talking about how exotic our different lives were. I listened intently as Buffy explained her reasons for moving.

"The school caught fire, it burnt to the ground." Buffy explained.

"Oh my god how awful!" I exclaimed.

"Do they know how it happened?" Angela asked.

Buffy shook her head, "No, the cops in Sunnydale are pretty incompetent anyway so they weren't much help." She explained.

"That's rough." I added.

"Yeah, what's worse is that everyone I knew died in that school." Buffy said depressed, then Willow and Xandir shot here "Dude WTF" look on their face.

"Everyone besides you guys." Buffy said smiling.

"I'm gonna go get a milk, you want anything?" Willow offered.

"I'm good." I said.

"I'll take a Mc BLT!" Xandir proclaimed.

"Zander they stopped making that in the eighties!" Buffy said.

"Yea and the nearest McDonalds is in Los Angeles!" Willow added.

"START HOOFING!" Xandir shouted.

Just then the fashionable bitchy snob Cordelia Chase entered the scene.

"WTF are you staring at Hairless?" She said sneering at Xandir.

"Listen Angela, I need your house-key." Cordelia said to Angela.

"You do?" Angela questioned.

"YES Big red I do!" Cordelia snapped, "Uncle Graham forgot to give his key last night!" Cordelia explained.

"Besides like you need it anyway you always go out with that drunk chick anyway." Cordelia added.

"She isn't always drunk." Angela said defensively.

"Whatever fine, just give me the damn key!" Cordelia demanded.

Angela rummaged through her backpack and pulled out her house key, it was silver and small and attached to a brick.

"WTF is this!" Cordelia said critically, "Did you steal this from a gas station bathroom?"

"NO!" Angela cried, "Dad made it!"

"God, what-ever!" Cordelia said before rolling her eyes and storming off.

"Is she always like that?" I asked no one in particular.

"OMFG!" Willow gasped, "I just realized Angela and Cordelia have the SAME last name!"

"Yeah," Angela said. "Her dad and my dad are brothers."

"You must've gotten the nice genes." Buffy said with a smirk.

"A-and Cordy must have gotten the nice _jeans_!" Willow added.

After briefly sharing a long hearty laugh we distinctly heard the sound of glass shattering in the parking lot. I turned my head and saw Rayanne stumbling through the parking lot and looking for an invisible car with an invisible key outstretched in her hand.

"Hey guys what's shaking?" Rayanne asked while taking a sip from a silver flask.

"Rayanna, again!" Angela chided.

But instead of offering a response Rayanne merely held out her middle finger at Angela while drinking more whiskey.

"Rayanne, are you…okay?" I asked concerned.

"Sure chica, never better brother!" Rayanne said with a long lingering belch escaping her mouth.

"Oh my god the smell, it stings the senses!" Xandir whined.

"Who's this nancy-faggot?" Rayanne asked looking at Xandir.

"RAYANNE!" I scolded, "Rickie is gay!" I reminded her, "And we don't know the sexual orientation of Xandir." I added.

"Meh he looks like a flamer to me!" Rayanne said with a cackle.

"Hey flamer you wanna go to Victoria's secretz with mah?" Rayanne said with a slut.

"Rayanne what's wrong with you?" Angela asked.

"I'll tell you what's wrong." Buffy said standing face-to-face with Rayanne, "Someone has a case of one-too-many of the bitchies this morning." Buffy said. Then Xandir, Willow, Angela, and especially myself had an "Aw snap now it's on" look on our faces. Rayanne scoffed and cocked her head back,

"Well if I didn't know any better I'd guess that you were Biffy da lingquent!" Rayanne slurred drunkenly with a slight stagger.

Buffy smirked, "It's 'Buffy' actually, and I'm no delinquent hon." She added.

Then Rayanne started laughing, she started laughing so hard that she dropped to her knees and clenched her stomach. Angela brushed the hair from her eyes and darted over to her side to check on her, but Rayanne brushed her aside and revealed that she was laughing hysterically.

"All of you…mother…fucking…SKUNKS…can just FUCK right off okay." Rayanne said calmly, "Cos' this is MY school and I don't need any more FUCKING TRAITORS up in my face!" Rayanne screamed before running back into the school and slamming the door behind her.

"That went…well." Buffy lied.

"It's okay, you tried." I said.

"Maybe I should have just stayed out of it." Buffy said regretting her decision.

"No, no never say that!" I said putting my hand on her shoulder, "But yeah you're right you probably shouldn't have pissed her off like that."

Later it was 3:00 PM and school was officially OUT for the day. I scrambled to my locker (which was next to Angela's) and turned the dial and pulled it open. Just then Rickie Martin Vasquez popped up beside me looking frail and frantic.

"MY GOD RICKIE!" I gasped.

"Lydia, have you seen Rayanne?" He asked sounding scared.

"No, I haven't seen her since earlier." I explained.

"Oh no!" Rickie said with a tremble in his voice as he rolled his back down the front of a locker and slid onto the floor. I quickly slid beside him on the floor.

"Rickie, what's wrong why are you so scared?" I asked.

"It's Rayanne," Rickie said. "She said-she said she was gonna get a GUN!" he exclaimed.

"WHAT!" I cried.

Rickie nodded, "I'm scared co's you never know how unpredictable she will act when she is like this."

"Oh god we've gotta find her!" I asserted.

"Where do we look first?" Rickie asked.

I thought for a minute, "How about the library?"

"Rayanne hates books." Rickie reminded me.

"Yeah but she is really confused and pissed off right now and probably doesn't want to be found right?" I asked. Rickie nodded slightly in agreement. "Soooo, if you don't want to be found why not hide out someplace people know you would never probably hide there even if they suspected that you might, though you probably wouldn't." I explained.

Rickie stared at me blankly looking confused as all hell for several minutes before standing up and non-verbally agreeing to my suggestion.

"Let's roll!" I said running down the hall with Rickie alongside me.

Meanwhile in the bathroom on the third floor, Rayanne had locked the door and was smoking marijuana while dancing in a bikini in front of the mirror to "Yoo-hoo" by Imperial Teen. She reached down into a Walmart bag and pulled out several items of clothing that had been shop-lifted earlier. Rayanne pulled out a red tube top and a white jean skirt with the price tags still attached out of the walmart bag and quickly changed into them while dancing to beat of the music. She picked up her bong and took another hit while looking herself over provocatively in the mirror as though she had just now noticed such a beautiful thing. She rested the bong on the sink and pulled a compact out of her bag and applied dark red lipstick to her lips and smacked them together a couple of times before laughing with a big snort. She leaned in really sexily into the mirror and frenched it open-mouthed leaving a perfectly shaped mark of her red-stained lips on the glass.

"I am so fucking juicy." She said, "I would fuck me even if there were a million of me walking around." She admitted.

She then retrieved the bong and continued toking while sitting up on the urinal and swaying to her favorite song.


	6. LoveGame

Tonightless  
><strong>Chapter VI<strong>: "_LoveGame_"

During the after school hall check, Brian the "Brain" Krakow made his rounds about the school whilst garbed in a frilly orange sash that said "VIP" on it in red velvety, Lucida font. He was walking down the central corridor when a rapping caught his attention. He cocked his head toward the primary entrance doors and noticed a strange unknown man peering in through the glass window. Brian adjusted himself before casually and coolly striding over to the front doors to confront the individual.

Upon closer inspection the individual was a tall pale-skinned yet athletic built man with peroxide blonde hair. He wore black eyeliner and a black muscle-shirt underneath a black duster and wore tight black jeans. He was pressing his black painted fingernails against the glass as he peered in.

"What do you want?" Brian asked through the glass.

"I'm looking for someone." The man said, "Be a nice lad and let me in." He asked.

"Sorry sir no can do." Brian replied.

"WOT?" The man said angrily, "Why the bloody hell can't ya?"

"Because you're a stranger, you don't have a school pass, and you're a drug dealer!" Brian assumed confidently.

"That's bollocks man, just total bollocks!" The obvious Cockney man said. "And that's racial profiling!" He added.

"Whatever, you're white!" Brian scoffed.

"Let me in you little wanker!" The man demanded.

"Piss off Billy Idol!" Brian said casually before walking away.

It was getting late and Rickie and I had already spent a good half of the afternoon searching for Rayanne. Rickie and I took a seat in the library and passed out from exhaustion. Suddenly death metal music was blaring from the inner library office; "Long hard road out of hell" by Marilyn Mansion was blasting on the librarian's radio. Naturally this intrigued me as I am a fan of all kinds of music (not just Lady Gaga).  
>I got to my feet and crept up the small stairway leading up to the office, I peered through the stained glass but could not see anyone, only blackness. But as I turned to walk away the office door swung open and out poked an older man's head.<p>

"Whaddya want!" He asked all gruffy.

"Sorry sir I was intrigued by your music." I admitted honestly.

"Oh yeah?" He said with a smile on his face.

The older man took off his Elton John glasses and stepped aside to let me in his office. The man himself was actually the librarian and he was tall and middle-aged and had blood red hair and wore glasses (obviously), he had multiple piercings in his eyebrows, lips, ears, and the bridge of his nose and looked kinda like Pein/Pain from Naruto. In his office there were multiple death metal posters such as Gwar, Metallica, Acid Bath, Embalmer, Fleshcrawl, and Gandalf. I was particularly intrigued by the Marilyn Manson poster he had posted up on his ceiling with lots of pentagrams, Satanic, Christian, and an various astrological runes surrounding it.

"Oh wow! Are you are a Satanist?" I asked.

"I'm more of an Agnostic these days." He chuckled.

"Me too." I agreed, "Religion is a festering, maggot-eating pile of dog vomit that only creates more problems than it solves." I added.

Suddenly he looked all kinds of impressed with what I had just said and the biggest smile you had ever seen came across his face.

"My name is Quepert Jills." He introduced himself.

"I am Mixolydia Charice Jade Fyre; but you can call me 'Lydia'." I replied with a smile.

We spent what seemed like hours talking about music, all kinds of music; death metal, country, pop, world, techno, jazz, and we came to the simultaneous conclusion that nobody in the world knows what he fuck fusion is supposed to be or how it is any different from house or electronic music. I noticed a crystal ball tucked away under his desk that was reflecting back at me, and several auspicious-looking black candles.

"Are you a witch?" I asked.

"Oh my god!" He panicked. He jumped out of his seat and slammed the door shit, locking it and pulling down the sliding drape.

"Don't you ever; ever, EVER say that around me again!" He warned me.

"I'm sorry Mr. Jills, I didn't know you weren't out yet." I apologized.

Jills scoffed, "Well I was 'OUT' back in Sunnydale but then THAT happened and the whole place was blown to hell and back." He replied.

"What exactly happened back then?" I asked.

Jills took off his glasses and wiped them before placing them back on his face; "That's the thing, nobody knows, for not even I doth know." He admitted.

"How mysterious." I said.

"Indeed!" He agreed.

"You're also British." I guessed.

"Dammit girl quit guessing this shit up!" Jills stifled me.

"Sorry but I am kind of psychic." I told him.

"You don't say?" He replied sounding all interested.

"Yes," I said with a nod. "When I was born my father took me to see a magypsy who taught me some power." I explained.

"No fucking shit, an actual magypsy?" Jills said impressed.

"Do you know Tom?" I asked hopefully.

"Who?" Jills replied.

"Nobody!" I quickly retracted.

After talking some more and eating tea and crumpets, Mr. Jills escorted me out to the library to find Rickie but he was no longer passed out at the table.

"Damn! I lost him!" I cried.

"Who did you lose?" Jills questioned.

"Well two people actually." I explained.

"Come back into my office and tell me all about it over some tea." Jills said motioning for me to come back, so I did.

Meanwhile Rayanne skipped down the third floor hallway whistling and clacking her heels together, she stopped dead in her tracks and tried regaining her composure when she saw a dead serious Rickie standing by the used panty machine, looking frantic and black mascara tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Rickie darling you look a mess." Rayanne proclaimed.

"Where have you been?" Rickie asked.

"Whoa, chillax dude I was having a personal in the ladies'." Rayanne replied.

"Where is it?" Rickie asked.

"What're you talking about?" Rayanne replied.

"Rayanne I'm not playing, where is the gun?" He inquired.

"I don't have any gun!" Rayanne cried.

"This morning you said you were going to come 'prepared', remember?" Rickie reminded Rayanne.

"Yeah I do remember." Rayanne said as-a-matter-of-factly.

"And when I said it what I meant was this!" She said holding up a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Rickie recoiled in disgust and punched the vending machine out of frustration.

"Rayanne this is senior yea, why are you doing this!" Rickie pleaded.

"Doing what!" Rayanne replied, "Living MY life, doing what I want to do, having it MY way?" She said sarcastically while yanking out the cork and chugging some Jack Daniels.

"Okay enough is enough, give me that bottle." Rickie said, walking over trying to take the liquor only for Rayanne to jump back and shoot him a "WTF Dude" expression on her face.

"Ugh! Get your own damn drink!" She cried.

"Rayanne this isn't funny, and I'm trying to help!" Rickie explained.

Rayanne started laughing deep and slowly and slowly raised her hand and slowly pulled up her middle finger at Rickie's face.

"You know what Vasquez?" Rayanne said as she took a swig of Jack Daniels.

"You're just like the rest of 'em." She added.

"The rest of whom, whore you talking about?" Rickie asked.

"The Sunnydale Skunks that reek of smoke, Brian 'the Brain' Krakow, EVERY-FUCKING-BODY!" Rayanne replied.

"Please Rayanne, if you'd only let me…" Rickie said only for Rayanne to raise a finger and cut him off.

"Why don't you do me a favor; go home, pull out your sewing kit, and make me a big, pink, and frilly dress." Rayanne said slowly and evilly as she downed more Daniels.

"Rayanne…what!" Rickie asked confused and hurt.

"Cos' I wanna look fucking gorgeous for when I win homecoming queen!" Rayanne announced.

"Rayanne, homecoming was like three months ago…" Rickie explained.

Rayanne took a quick bow before spinning around on one heel and speeding through the hall and literally skating down the stair-railing on her heels. Rickie chased after her but she was too fast.

Meanwhile Angela climbed into her room from the oak tree outside to get in the house because Cordelia had taken her house key and nobody was apparently home when she got there.  
>Angela threw her bag on her bed and collapsed on top of it.<p>

"There you are!" Snapped Cordelia.

"Cordelia, you were home?" Angela asked surprised.

"Do you know a Jordan Catalano?" Cordelia questioned.

"Uh…yeah I think so…oh yeah I remember he leans great." Angela answered.

"Well your little friend is a HUGE freak!" Cordelia complained.

"Cordelia what do you mean?" Angela asked.

"He's been calling the house every hour non-stop and saying the dirtiest, most filthy things that my virgin ears have ever heard." Cordelia said, "And if you don't believe me then just check the answering machine." She added.

Curious by Cordelia's words, Angela got up and went downstairs to check out the answering machine, sure enough there were 60 flashing messages on the machine. She pressed the play button to start the first message.

"Um…hey Angela if you're there it's me, Jordan; uh I need to see you I'll call you later." The message ended with a beep, and soon after the next message began playing. "Hey Angela it's just me again, I figured that you might be home this time so I tried again, guess you're still gone so I will call back." BEEP! The message ended and the third immediately followed suit.

"Oh my god!" Angela cried, feeling creeped out and overwhelmed by the vehement messages left over by Jordan.

"See? I told you he was a MAJOR freak!" Cordelia said, standing beside Angela.

"What are we going to do about this?" Angela wondered.

"You mean what are _'you'_ going to do about it, I'm going to the mall and getting a spray tan." Cordelia announced.

"Oh but you can't go now, Dad's making his famous pizza salad!" Angela said.

"Who cares?" Cordelia scoffed, "Do you know what YOUR sick father, who is MY uncle did?" Cordelia asked.

"Um…no?" Angela replied.

"I caught him peeking at me through the keyhole this morning!" Cordelia exclaimed.

"He was probably just checking to see if you were alright." Angela rationalized to Cordelia.

"Bleed me a river" by Acid Bath played as Jills and Lydia discussed their favorite bands over tea and crumpets in the library office.

"Oh my God!" I panicked looking at my watch.

"What is it?" Jills asked.

"It's already six O' clock, I gotta go!" I announced, grabbing my bag and getting up.

"I'll see you out." Jills said, holding open the door for me so I could exit first.

Jills and I walked side by side down the school hall until we arrived at the front door. I stared at Jills for a moment, looking into his gray eyes and death metal/punk piercings.

"God damn Jills, did I ever tell you how fucking hot you look with all those piercings?" I wondered.

"Well uh, no I don't think you have." Jills muttered with a bashful look on his face.

"Well look, if you're not doing anything Friday you should come over to my place for dinner." I offered.

"That sounds wonderful." Jills said with a smile, "I will be delighted to dine at your domicile." He added.

"Jills…" I said.

"Yes?" He replied.

"You're British again." I giggled.

"Oh damn, I suppose I am!" He said with a laugh.

I said goodbye to Jills and fled the school swiftly despite having missed my ride. I ran for several miles before reaching 777 avenue; my street. "Home…" I sighed. Before rounding the corner to my driveway I turned and peered up at Isidore's McMansion and wondered how he was doing since we last met. In all honesty I had been keeping myself too busy to miss him, but now that I had nothing to do, the loneliness sunk in. I only imagined just how lonely Isidore was on this night, especially with a fat, mean, ugly, wart-faced, hunch-backed, old bitch for a mother. I decided to pay him a surprise visit.

"I've told every little Star" by Linda Scott played on the radio of Cordelia's white convertible, she had just loaded her car up with boxes full of clothes she had purchased from several different fashion boutiques. She turned her head to watch as she backed out of the parking space until a dark-looking young man leapt out of the shadows and stood directly in her path.

"God damn it!" Cordelia shouted as she slammed on the brakes and pulled forward back into her spot. She opened the door and rounded the side of the car to confront the mysterious man.

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing?" Cordelia yelled.

The young man had neck length black hair and misty blue-gray eyes, he was sullen and brooding and wore all-black. He was leaning against the white convertible.

"You're her…" He said, "You're her…sister, or something." He added.

"UM do I know you or something?" Cordelia asked all snooty-like. Then Cordelia's eyes fixated on the way the young man leaned, then it dawned on her.

"Oh my God!" she gasped, "You're that freak!" She yelled. "You're Jordan Catalano!"

"Was Jordan Catalano." He replied, "Its Jordy now; Jordy Castrato." He said.

"What!" Cordelia said with a "WTF dude" look on her face.

"Isn't 'castrato' I type of castrated bull or something?" She wondered.

"Listen I NEED to see Angela!" Jordy said closing in on Cordelia.

"Uh I wouldn't know about her, she isn't really my department." Cordelia confessed.

"But being a fashion snob is?" Jordy assumed.

"I'll have you know I take great pride in looking better than everyone else at my school." Cordelia answered.

"It was my school first you know." Jordy said.

"So what?" Cordelia scoffed.

"You know what they're all calling your lot from Sunnydale?" Jordy wondered.

"Um…how about I don't care?" Cordelia said all smart-alecky.

"Skunks." Jordy said, "They've been calling anyone who comes from Sunnydale a skunk." Jordy added. Cordelia took a double-take and stared at Jordy in bewilderment.

"Well surely they don't refer to me as a skunk!" Cordelia reasoned.

"Wrong!" Jordy corrected her, "Everyone is who is from Sunny D is a Skunk as far as 3R is concerned." Jordy said. "Even the fake American librarian is one too." He added. Cordelia took a step back closer to the driver's seat with mild panic.

"Okay you're freaking me out, what do you want?" Cordelia demanded.

"I already told you, I want Angela!" Jordy answered.

"Well how in the hell am I supposed to give you that?" Cordelia asked.

"I don't care how, just see that you do." Jordy said before turning and walking away into the darkness of the dusk. Cordelia shook her head and scoffed. "Lips of an Angel" by Hinder played on the radio.

"EXCUSE me!" Cordelia shouted, "Did you just threaten me?" Cordelia questioned, but to no avail as Jordy was disappeared now. Cordelia got in the driver's seat, slammed shut the door and restarted the engine. "Freak!" She cursed before speeding out of the mall parking lot, and nearly hitting and killing a peroxide blonde homeless man in a black duster. "Oi! Watch it slag!" The blonde bum hollered angrily as he jumped out of the way just in time to avoid certain death, Cordelia merely reached her free hand up in the air and gave him the finger.

Isidore was laying on his bed reading "Marquis De Sade" as I had Muu lift me up to the balcony of his room. I opened my bag up and pulled out my bag of heart-shaped smarties and tossed one into his room through the open sliding door, but it landed on the carpet. I tossed another that said "Be Mine" and it landed directly on his bed where he was reading. The pink heart-shaped candy caught his eye as Isidore picked it up and mouthed _"be mine"_ to himself. He turned slightly and saw me levitating outside the window. He smiled and came outside to greet me. Muu had brought along my portable radio and "Lips of Angel" was still playing.

"Lydia!" He exclaimed, "It feels like it's been ages!" He added.

"Even though it has only been a day?" I said.

"Where have you been?" He asked.

"School, home, places." I answered, "And you?"

"Here mostly…" He replied.

"So I guess you and Shantell are happy together now?" I assumed.

"Oh yes." Isidore said, "We are due to be married in a month." He added.

"WHAT!" I freaked out.

"I'm just kidding!" Isidore laughed.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yes really." Isidore replied, "I cannot stand that Shantell girl, she's a god-awful mess." He added.

"Oh Isidore, you don't know how happy that makes me." I said leaning into him with my mouth.

"I have a hunch." He said, leaning into me with his mouth and we kissed passionately and deeply for a few minutes before he picked me up and brought me into his room, onto his bed.

"Isidore…" I started.

"Call me 'Izzy'." He replied.

"I thought you didn't like it when you were called that?" I guessed.

"Only when skinny, red-haired, human bicycles call me that." He said.

"Izzy…won't your mother…"

"Grizelda?" He interrupted.

"Won't Grizelda be angry with you for having me here like this?" I asked.

"She isn't my mother." Isidore stated.

"Who is she then?" I wondered.

"She is my aunt; the corrupt sister of my evil father." He added.

"Who is your father?" I asked.

"I'd rather not say." Isidore replied.

"It's okay". I said, gazing deeply into his pure yellow eyes, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

Isidore smiled, "Thank you." He said, reaching over and giving me a kiss on the mouth.

"I do have one thing to confess." I admitted.

"What is it?" He asked.

"The other day, in your room…" I hesitated.

"Yes…?" He asked.

"I kind of broke in." I said.

"Oh…?" He replied.

"And I kind of broke into your chest and borrowed some yearbooks, I brought them with me." I said as I pulled the books out of my hot pink Unicorn backpack and handing them to Isidore.

"Oh but these aren't mine." Isidore commented.

"I had thought so." I added, "But why don't you have any yearbook pictures?" I asked, "Didn't you graduate in the eighth grade?"

"How did you know that?" Isidore inquired.

"The other night, I sort of spied on you and Shantell." I confessed.

"I see." He mumbled.

"Oh Izzy are you upset?" I asked.

"A little, but in a way it's okay because it was you." He explained.

"I only wanted find out more about you because I think you're so interesting." I admitted.

"I think you are the most beautiful and interesting girl in this entire town." Isidore stated proudly, which turned me on innumerably.

"Are you free Friday night?" I asked Isidore.

"I have no plans." He replied.

"I want you to eat dinner with me, at my house on Friday night." I said.

"What's the occasion?" Isidore asked.

"Nothing fancy, just dinner between friends." I said with a wink.

"Between…friends?" Isidore reiterated.

"Unless…you'd like to be more than just friends?" I inquired coyly.

"Lydia, I thought we already were more than just friends." Isidore replied.

"Oh we only got to second base." I stated, "But that was last time; care to try again?" I asked with a cute not-so-slutty smile.

"I would love to." Isidore said with a grin.

"Let's head for the pool, I brought my bikini this time!" I exclaimed while stripping out of my clothes to reveal a white blue bikini similar to the one Lady Gaga wore in "Poker Face".

"Oh wait," I said. "What about your aunt?"

"Grizelda doesn't live here." Isidore explained.

"Really?" I wondered, "So it's just you?"

"And you, if you would like to stay the night…" He hinted, pulling me into himself.

"I couldn't…" I said daintily.

"Why not?" He asked.

"It isn't proper!" I replied.

"You can have the bed, I can sleep on the floor." He said. I turned to face him and smiled; "Izzy darling that won't be necessary, there are hundreds of rooms in this mansion." I said, "We can sleep ANYWHERE!"

"So you will stay?" He inquired happily.

"I should return home, but I really do abhor my mother." I stated.

"You won't regret it." Isidore said with a sexy smile.

"Let's go swimming now!" I exclaimed, "Last one there is a fat, ugly, wart-faced, mean, old, bitch!" I proclaimed as I ran out the bedroom door and down the hallway, with Isidore in hot pursuit.

Later that evening Rayanne had come to her senses and was stumbling around the locked halls of Liberty High when she realized that it was past closing hour and that all of the doors were locked and chained. She came to the rear entrance and realized that it was not chained and so she pushed on it and it opened she stepped outside into the basketball court and into the rear parking lot.

"Hey you!" A cockney voice cried out, startling Rayanne.

"Whore you!" Rayanne gasped.

"The name's Spyke missy." The peroxide blond bum said lighting up a cigarette.

"What do you want?" Rayanne asked, sounding interested in him.

"Do you go here; to this school?" He asked pointing at the rear entranceway.

"Uh…yeah, I have been for going on three years." Rayanne answered.

"Swell." Spyke replied with a casual nod, "Do you know a girl named Buffy?" He asked.

"Buffy?" Rayanne reiterated.

"Buffy Anne Summers, formerly of Sunnydale High; the Slayer; the Chosen one; yadda, yadda, yadda." Spyke said.

"Yea I know of her, she's one of the skunks from Sunny-D." Rayanne replied.

"Skunks?" Spyke questioned with an amused look on his face.

"Oh yea it's a real funny story, you see all of those poor kids whose school got burned…"

"From Sunnydale High?" Spyke interjected.

"Yea, well Tino and me were thinking about it and it seemed to make sense that they would probably reek of smoke…you know, from the fire and all." Rayanne explained.

"And this makes them skunks because they stink like smoke?" Spyke assumed.

"Yea you got it." Rayanne said bumping knuckles with Spyke. "Look for a creepy mystery guy you are pretty cool." Rayanne added.

"You think I'm creepy?" Spyke asked.

"Well maybe just a teeny bit." Rayanne said making a "C" with her thumb and index finger.

"You smoke?" Spyke inquired, holding his pack out to her.

"Yea I'll bum a stick off ya if you don't mind." Rayanne said cheerfully.

"Knock yourself out." Spyke said.

"Thanks, I've been having a nick-fit all day." Rayanned admitted as she pulled a cigarette out from the package and Spyke leaned in with his lit lighter for her to light up, and he covered the flame with his hand so the wind wouldn't blow it out.

"Do you like getting wasted and all that?" Spyke casually asked.

"Hell yeah I do it every chance I get." Rayanne admitted with a grin.

"Noice!" Spyke said in a very cockney way.

"So Spyke…what about this Biffy…"

"Buffy!" He interrupted.

"Buffy chick, that you want?" Rayanne asked.

"Who said I wanted anything at all?" Spyke replied.

"But you DO want to see her right?" Rayanne questioned.

"Yes." Spyke said flatly.

"Why?" Rayanne asked.

"Let's just say she and I go WAY back." Spyke said.

"How far back?" Rayanne wondered.

"Far enough back for me to warrant giving her little prezzie." Spyke said presenting Rayanne with a zip-lock full of crushed crystals.

"What are they?" She gasped.

"Crystal." Spyke replied.

"Why're you giving them to me?" She asked.

"Because I can't go during the day." He answered, "I need you to deliver these to Miss Summers for me." Spyke added.

"What's in it for me?" Rayanne inquired.

Spyke cocked his head in a "WTF you talkin' `bout girl?" position and laughed, "What makes you think you'll get anything?" He asked.

"I don't run a courier service." Rayanne stated.

"You don't seem to have any problems running the moonshine back and forth." Spyke accused.

"How did you know!" She gasped.

"I have sources." Spyke replied, "Now are you doing this for me or what?" He asked.

"What do I do?" she wondered.

"It's very simple love." Spyke said taking Rayanne's hand, "You take the bag like so," he said placing the ziplock of crushed crystal in her hand, "You keep it and not snort it," he added, "And on the very next day when you see her, you give it to Buffy." Spyke said.

"How do you know she will accept it, from me even?" Rayanne asked.

"That's a chance I'm just going to have to take." Spyek said with a shrug before walking away into the darkness of the now night.

The lights on the basketball court flickered on and Rayanne felt a cold chill crawl up her spine, she picked up her bag and tried following Spyke through the darkness only to discover he had vanished. She stood on the sidewalk in front of the school with the zip-lock of crushed crystal in her hand. She looked down at the crystals before looking back at the darkness and then discreetly tucked them into her bag before running down the street.


	7. Monster

Tonightless  
><strong>Chapter VII<strong>: "_Monster_"

I woke up early Thursday and Isidore fixed me breakfast, we had French toast and eggs. He offered me a ride to school, but I declined because I needed to go home and change clothes and shower first.

I felt a little depressed leaving Isidore's place but he assured me that we would meet again soon, the prospect of which comforted me. I hustled down the block and climbed up the lattice to my second story bedroom window. I rummaged through my revolving closet and picked out a tight, hot pink T-shirt that was ripped at the bottom and showed off my midsection, and a red PVC miniskirt and long red PVC boots.

I sneakily opened the door and crept down the hall into the bathroom closing and locking the door behind me. I turned on the radio and "I love you" by Charice (that's my middle name) was playing. I quickly jumped in the shower and rinsed off the chlorine from swimming at Isidore's and lathered up my loofah with some dove body wash and cleaned myself up. Afterward I turned off the shower, rolled back the curtain and stepped out. I dried myself off with a pink Hello Kitty-themed towel. After drying off I hung the towel back up on the rack and reached out my blow-dryer and began to dry my hair. I lip synced to the song as I combed and tied my hair back into pigtails. I quickly applied some pink lipstick and lightly applied some baby blue eye shadow before changing into my hot pink ripped T-shirt and Red PVC miniskirt and long boots.  
>After changing, I quietly opened the door and peeked out into the hall and there was no sign of anyone so I crept down the hall until I was caught by the bitch herself.<p>

"Where the hell were you last night!" Linda screamed.

"I was at Rayanne's." I lied.

"Oh yeah?" she said, "Since when?"

"Since school got out yesterday!" I added.

"LIAR!" Linda screamed, grabbing me by the wrist and sniffing me for any traces of drugs or alcohol.

"You been smoking?" She inquired.

"Uh no!" I replied defensively.

"Don't lie!" She snapped, "I know those mediocre little dunces you hang out with do drugs!" Linda added.

"Yeah right!" I scoffed, jabbing my arm free from her grip. "Get over yourself!" I exclaimed.

"You better straighten up kid!" She warned me.

"Whatever MOM!" I yelled back, "You're just jealous because your youth is DEAD and GONE!" I screamed. Linda gasped and stared at me as if I had read her mind. "You just don't understand the monster lifestyle!" I screamed again, "Get your own fucking life and stop interfering with mine!" I screamed once more before bolting down the stairs and out the door, where I conveniently found Isidore waiting for me; leaning greatly against our white picket fence.

"Izzy!" I gasped with a relieved smile.

"Care for a walk?" He asked.

"Okay!" I said happily as we walked up the street together. Then Linda rushed downstairs and popped open the front door;

"This isn't over missy!" She screamed up the street, "Just wait until your dad gets home from Bosnia!" She added.

"Your father is in Bosnia?" Isidore asked, "What is he doing in Bosnia?"

"He's not really in Bosnia." I admitted with a laugh, "He's with his mistress." I clarified.

As we were walking I noticed how unbelievably fucking hot Isidore was this morning; he wore a black muscle shirt and khaki pants and black converse shoes with red laces. His jet black hair was slicked back and his yellow cat-like eyes were bright and glowing like an owl in the night. I could also tell that he thought that I looked fantastic, as every couple of seconds I could catch him stealing glances at me from my peripherals.

"You look amazing Lydia." He finally said.

"Thanks." I said, "You do too!" I added.

"Do you wanna skip school today?" He asked.

"I really do, but I can't." I said, "Today is special I have my English class first thing in the morning today." I added.

"Can I pick you up afterward?" He asked.

"Hmm I don't know." I hesitated with a coy smile, "Can you?"

"What time do you get out today?" He inquired sexily.

I thought for a moment, "Fifth period starts at seven." I stated, "But I don't have anything really important until Friday." I added.

"I'll come at eight, is that alright?" Isidore asked.

"Of course, I will be looking forward to seeing you again." I said sweetly. Then Isidore leaned in real close and frenched me open-mouthed in front of the entire student body (both Skunks and Wolves) who were staring with their eyes bugging out and their jaws dropped. One of them pointed at me and emitted a high-pitch scream like one of those pod persons from that bodysnatchers movie, it was Brian Krakow.

"Slutting it up public now Lydia?" Brian grumbled.

"God Brain why do you have to be such a jerk Brian?" I demanded.

"Because you're a lying little bitch!" He accused.

"How dare you!" Isidore snapped, almost jumping on top of Brian and beating the shit out of him with his balled fists.

"Wait Izzy no!" I shouted, "Not this way we mustn't give into THEIR mentality!" I pleaded.

"Fine!" Isidore yelled, "But only because Lydia is such a wonderful person!" He cried. Isidore leaned in and kissed me passionately before turning and walking away all hot and mysterious like.

"Who was that?" Brian asked.

"Only the hottest guy on earth; my boyfriend!" I exclaimed excitedly.

"Oh by the way I have that homework for you." Brian remembered, pulling out several clipped sheets of paper and handing them to me.

"Awesome, Angela is going to be so happy!" I admitted.

"About that, do you think you could ask her something for me?" Brian asked.

"Yeah okay, like what?" I replied.

"Can you find out if she likes me?" He wondered all innocent-like.

"Brian I will for-sure find out tonight whether she likes you or not!" I exclaimed, then a superficial light-bulb flickered above my brain. "Why don't you come over for dinner tomorrow night; my place." I invited him.

"Dinner…at your house?" Brian said skeptically.

"Yes! You will LOVE it!" I exclaimed.

"What are you having?" Brian inquired.

"Shit man I don't know!" I cried, "I haven't planned that far out yet!"

"Whatever, I will if I can." Brian replied.

"Okay see you Brain!" I said with a wave as he walked away.

"Later slut!" He called back with a finger.

Later I found myself in Miss Raven's fifth period English class. Miss Raven was so awesome she was my favorite teacher EVER! She was tall and very thin and had short obsidian black hair and wore black lipstick and eye shadow, that illuminated her gorgeous aquamarine eyes. She was a gothic person, but not one of those whiney, self-lamenting, emo types. She totally knew French and taught drag once. She was in her early thirties but could really pass for being a college freshman. She wore the bitchinest black backless mini dress I have ever seen, and thigh high heeled boots. Before resuming teaching again, Miss Raven was my seventh grade guidance counselor, she would often reserve the good classes for me. Before that, Miss Raven was a lavish and exotic performer in Hollywood and had met thousands of celebrities like Tyra Banks, Rupaul, and Lady Gaga herself.  
>She sat her desk correcting papers from yesterday's classes as I walked in and approached her. Walking in, I couldn't help but notice how terrible empty the entire classroom was; there wasn't a single student in the room.<p>

"Bonjour Madamoiselle Raven!" I announced as I approached her desk.

"Lydia, bon de vous voir!" She replied happily, "Tu es si jolie ce matin." She added.

"Mais ce n' est pas aussi jolie que vous Madame." I replied truthfully.

"At least you are much prettier than those Miley clones walking around the place." Raven stated.

"Miss Raven, where is the class?" I wondered.

"At the assembly." She replied, "The whole school is in the auditorium right now." She added.

"An assembly, at seven in the morning?" I questioned.

"It's some kind of home-warming presentation to the kids from Sunnydale; I think it's kind of sweet." Raven explained.

"They didn't have an assembly planned?" I questioned.

"The whole thing was a last minute decision." Raven answered.

"I'm heading that way now." She said, "You might as well accompany me, it's mandatory." She added.

I gasped and a look of shock appeared on my frail face, "Mandatory?" I repeated.

"Yes, some new principal shipped over from Sunnydale has fired Foster and taken control of the school." Raven admitted.

"Oh no!" I cried.

Later Miss Raven and I left the classroom and walked together through the halls and down the stairs and into the auditorium, where she and I had our own spot in the balcony. I looked onstage and I could tell that a four-man acapella group had just wrapped up a barbershop quartet rendition of "Chicken Hunting" by the Insane Clown Posse and were leaving the stage when a short angry-looking balding Gremlin-esque little man walked on and grabbed the microphone.

"Shut up you little bastards!" He screamed into the mike.

"YOU WILL OBEY ME!" He screamed again in a demonic voice, suddenly the audience was quiet and not a sound was heard.

"That's better!" He replied, "Now our next act is a live rendition of the Peggy Lee classic, Fever by Miss Aria-Shantell!" The man yelled while clapping enthusiastically. As the gremlin left the stage my arch-nemesis walked out from behind the curtains garbed in a large full-body red fur that made her look like a Muppet. She whore whorish purple eye shadow, and blotchy white face makeup that made her look like a cross between a clown and a geisha. She slowly approached the microphone and she began to lip sync crudely like a busted queen at a sold-out show in WeHo.

"_Never know how much I love you _

_Never know how much I care _

_When you put your arms around me _

_I get a fever that's so hard to bear  
>You give me fever, when you kiss me <em>

_Fever when you hold me tight _

_Fever in the mornin', a fever all through the night  
>Sun lights up the day time Moon lights up the night I light up when you call my name <em>

_And you know I'm gonna treat you right  
>You give me fever, when you kiss me <em>

_Fever when you hold me tight _

_Fever in the mornin' A fever all through the night." _

I looked to see Miss Raven looking at Mr. Jills who was sitting in the aisle directly below us and was ignoring Shantell's god-awful performance by listening to his Mp3 player. He was head banging and air drumming. Willow spotted me and waved, then tugged on Buffy's sleeve who looked up and also waved at me with a smile. I waved back and returned my attention to the stage. The red-haired human bicycle was slowly and slutily lowering the large boa, revealing her cleavage and a red leather bikini underneath. As I looked on I could see the short gremlin man standing beside the stage and applauding fanatically as Shantell continued her act. I turned to Miss Raven to ask her something;

"Who is that man?" I asked.

"That's Snyder." She said, "The new principal." She added.

"What happened to Foster?" I wondered.

"He was deported." Raven replied.

"Oh my god!" I responded.

Just then Shantell's music stopped and she looked like an idiot lip syncing to NOTHING onstage with no music playing at all. She began looking around to see what the problem was, then Synder went backstage to yell at the technical crew. Then Rayanne fell from the rafters above the stage on top of Shantell, knocking her out and rolling her off of the stage. The audience gasped and some of the teachers headed toward the stage when the theater director signaled to them that it was a part of the act (even though it wasn't).  
>Looking around the stage with a bit of a stagger, Rayanne was obviously drunk…again. She mumbled something inaudible under her breath and walked into the microphone causing feedback to rupture over the loud speakers. The students and teachers alike recoiled in pain. Rayanne smacked then began tapping the microphone repeatedly.<p>

"Is this thing on!" She slurred, "HELLOOO!" She screamed, causing more feedback. This time Snyder came back and motioned for Rayanne to leave the stage, but her music started playing: "Hungry like the wolf" by Duran Duran played and she tried her best to sing the song from memory.

"D-Drunk in the city, night is a wife!" She slurred, "Meat in the Subway, earth is a minor!" She added. "Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do." She sang. "N'sync with the uh sound…I'm a come after you, cos' I'm horny like the Fox!" She belched much to the audience's amusement. Snyder on the other hand was not amused as he was literally screaming at her to get off of the stage, only she couldn't hear him because his voice was cut off by the loud music.

After the song reached the end the audience all stood up and applauded Rayanne Graff's rendition of "Hungry like the wolf" by Duran Duran. The audience was so impressed that they began showering Rayanne with 100 dollar bills and rose petals began snowing on the stage. Several paparazzi photographers rushed in with very expensive cameras and flashed hundreds of pictures of Rayanne while dozens of excited fans clamored onstage to hand her bouquets of roses and to ask for her autograph.

I looked over at Miss Raven who had her arms crossed and was not clapping. I asked her what was wrong and she replied:

"So this is how creativity dies; with thunderous applause." She said depressed.

"Should we leave?" I wondered.

"Let's go back to the classroom." Raven replied.

As Miss Raven and I walked arm-in-arm from the auditorium out into the central foyer of the school, I looked at my white Lady Gaga wristwatch and noticed that it was 8:15 AM! I quickly apologized to Miss Raven for my abrupt dismissal and quickly scrambled to the front doors, I could see Isidore waiting for me just outside of the doors, he was leaning against the mini atrium and waved when he noticed me. I smiled hugely and also waved. But just as I placed my pink hand onto the door handle to exit the school, a strong hand from out of nowhere grabbed my wrist and firmly gripped it with anger; it was Mr. Snyder AKA the little gremlin man.

"Where do you think you're going!" He inquired angrily.

"I'm sick and I'm going home." I lied.

"Where is your office slip?" He questioned.

"I forgot it!" I lied again.

"Then a note from your parents will do." He said grimly.

"I don't have one!" I replied, "They don't know, I only got sick just now!" I explained.

"Nice try miss…Frye." He chided me while looking my name up on a huge clipboard filled with the names of the students.

"It's 'Fyre'!" I cried defiantly.

"Whatever!" Snyder said coldly. "You must think you're pretty clever don't you Miss Frye?" Snyder asked me all condescending like.

"I don't know what you mean." I replied innocently.

"I know all about your association with Miss Graff." Snyder proclaimed, "I know how the two of you enjoy skipping out on your classes bi-daily, and also enjoy passing around alcoholic beverages in the building." Snyder added. "That's a Felony!" He shouted, "A class-A Misdemeanor at least!" He continued.

"That only happened that one time, and we thought it was Kool-Aide!" I said defensively. Then while gripping my wrist firmly he stared me down and got real close up into my face like a psycho serial killer but really not like that because he was just a pissed off administrator.

"You might have everyone else here fooled young lady but you WON'T fool me!" He proclaimed, "You and ALL of your little friends are going to spend the rest of the day in detention starting…now!" He yelled as several armed security guards shimmied down the walls of the school with ropes and approached me, guns pointed at my head and chest. I immediately threw up my airs into the air, dropping my bag to the floor. I turned my head just enough to see Isidore looking in at me through the door, he looked scared and concerned and tried opening it but the door was locked apparently. Snyder was also looking at Isidore and had a sinister look in his black beady eyes, he laughed wickedly and revealed a small key to me.

"While school is in session nobody gets in, and nobody gets out." He stated, placing the key into his jacket pocket and patting it once.

"This is unfair!" I cried passionately.

"Then maybe you're in the wrong profession." Snyder said evilly as he stared into my innocent aquatic colored eyes. "Take her away!" He commanded the armed security officers who immediately apprehended and proceeded to take me away to detention.

I sobbed uncontrollably as the emotionless and cold security officers escorted me to room B01: Detention level. It was in the basement, right next to the broiler room. I looked around for any sign of windows or a way out as one of the guards stuck a key inside a silver doorknob, turned it and pushed open the door. Inside was a dreary cob-web stricken moldy old room. There were only ten desks in the room, and all of them were occupied by a student. Sitting at the desk at the head of the room was Miss Mudflaps; she was an extremely old, extremely wrinkled, and extremely volatile woman. She lowered her cat-eyeglasses to look at me as I meandered past her desk to find somewhere to sit.

"What's this one in for?" She asked rudely.

"Lying and sabotaging the assembly." replied one of the guards.

"That's ludicrous!" I shouted, "I didn't have anything to do with that!" I added.

"SILENCE!" Miss Mudflaps screamed, slamming her gone with the wind hard-cover on her desk hard. "THERE WILL BE NO TALKING IN MY CLASS!" She yelled. "EVERYONE WILL SHUT UP AS LONG AS THEY ARE IN MY CLASS!" She added. Scared, the heavily armed security guards fled from the room, closing and locking the door on the way out. Then Miss Mudflaps stood up and dragged herself to the front of the room, she stared at everyone in the room, which honestly was about half of the student body. Students were seated two to a desk, sometimes three if they were anorexic enough, and the rest of them were stacked on top of each other by sitting on each other's shoulders in order to save space. I quickly moved to the back of the room, where I saw Buffy and Willow standing beside each other.

"You guys got caught too?" I whispered.

"Yea." Buffy said, "Snyder nabbed us after the assembly because he saw us hanging out with you!" She added.

"Oh my god!" I gasped, "Buffy I'm so sorry I never meant for any of you to get in trouble!" 

"It's okay." She replied, "It's already starting to feel like home." She added.

"Yea, and now I'm a rebel!" Willow declared with a thumbs up.

Then Miss Mudflaps slithered over my way and glared at us, "WHO'S TALKING!" she demanded. But nobody would speak for fear she would eat them.

"WHO WAS WHISPERING WHILE I WAS TALKING!" she screamed at us, "I WANT NAMES!" she screamed again. But none of us would speak up so she grew angrier and angrier with us. Meanwhile, Buffy secretly slipped something into my hand while Miss Mudflaps was yelling at us. I looked into Buffy's eyes, but said nothing. She said nothing either, but merely half-smiled before returning her attention to Mudflaps.

After a while Mudflaps got tired of yelling, her voice had gotten hoarse and she decided that she needed to step out for a drink.

"MY VOICE IS SORE SO I'M GETTING A NICE, COOL, SOOTHING BEVERAGE TO RESTORE IT!" she declared. "AND DON'T ANY OF YOU BASTARDS EVEN THINK ABOUT LEAVING THROW THE SLIGHTLY AJAR WINDOWS!" she added before opening the door and stepping out and slamming it shut and locking it.

Then Buffy turned to me, "Okay now's your chance!" she said. 

"What do you mean?" I wondered.

"What did you think I smuggled 'THAT' in here for?" she replied. I did not know what she meant but I when I opened up my hand and looked into it I gasped; it was a small golden key!

"But this will…" I hesitated.

"It opens every door and gate on-campus, I got it from Miss Raven." Buffy answered. "Go on, you can get through those slightly ajar windows over there." She motioned. "_Miss Raven_"_._ I thought, "_I need to repay you somehow_."

"I can't go without you guys!" I cried.

"Oh but you have to!" Willow interjected, "I mean who's gonna cover for you when Mudflaps gets back?"

"Go on, get going!" Buffy said, "Don't keep your dreamboat waiting any longer." She added.

"Thank you, thank you so much Buffy!" I cried giving her no-homo hug. I quickly pried open the slightly ajar window and wormed my way through and out onto the concrete of the back lot of the school. I peered back into the class and Willow gave me a thumbs up. I hurried out of view and rounded a corner, two fat guys were on break from loading food into the cafeteria and were smoking cigarettes and drinking beer. One of them fell asleep, while the other went back inside to get more beer.

I quietly snuck around the sleeping fat guy and did a z-line toward the basketball court. I quickly ran to the gate and reached into my pocket for the golden key Buffy had given me but I couldn't find it, I turned back around to retrace my steps when I saw Rayanne Graff standing about seven feet behind me.

"Looking for this?" She asked dangling the gold key with her fingers.

"My key!" I gasped.

"Not anymore!" Rayanne cried as she threw the key over the fence of the basketball court and into the swimming pool of the people next door.

"Rayanne, why did you do that!" I screamed.

"Because you like those fucking skunks more than me!" she exclaimed. "We're wolves!" Rayanne added, "We eat skunks for breakfast!"

"Rayanne I don't know what's gotten into you but you need to snap out of it now!" I cried heartbroken. Rayanne simply laughed and gave me the finger, I felt especially bad as she had never given me the bird before in her life.

"In a few minutes you are going to regret ever meeting those Sunnydale skunks!" Rayanne cackled.

"What did you do?" I questioned.

"After the show, Snyder made a deal with me." Rayanne said, "If I catch those Sunny-D skunks doing bad things here then he is going to have them arrested!" Rayanne admitted.

"But how!" I gasped.

"Xandir was already arrested!" Rayanne declared, "I logged in as him on the school computers and downloaded ton, and TONS of pornography and so now he is in Moweda!" She cawed like a crow.

"You treacherous bitch!" I screamed angrily and hurt.

"Buffy, Willow, and you are next!" Rayanne declared as she pulled out a wrinkled up piece of paper and unfolded it to reveal a large elaborate design of the school building.

"What is this?" I asked.

"That is you skunk's plan to BLOW the FUCKING SCHOOL AWAY!" Rayanne laughed.

"Oh my god!" I cried as I rushed to the locked and chained chain-link fence, Isidore met me on the other side. He put his fingers through the links and interlocked them with mine.

"Are you hurt? Are you okay?" He asked concerned.

"Izzy we need to leave, I need to get out of here!" I cried sobbingly.

"Stay here!" Isidore commanded, "I'll be right back!" He replied. Isidore disappeared and reappeared a minute later in his black jetta, he backed all the way up onto the street and revved the car up really high. I jumped to the side like a dainty little pixie as he drove the car through the fence, obliterating the lock and freeing me once and for all. I happily rushed to the car and climbed into the passenger's side seat as he turned the car around and sped off up the street.

Rayanne ran through the busted fence and a little ways up the sidewalk before swearing and stomping her foot on the ground.

"Shit! Motherfucker!" She yelled angrily. Just then Snyder and several heavily armed security guards rounded the corner of the school and caught up to Rayanne.

"Where is she?" Snyder demanded.

"They got away!" Rayanne admitted.

"They!" Snyder replied.

"She had an accomplice." Rayanne added. Snyder looked around the area and then re-focused his attention on Rayanne.

"That wasn't part of the deal Miss Graff." He stated venomously.

"I-I'm sorry." Rayanne stuttered, "I had the key, I thought she couldn't escape…really I did." Rayanne apologized.

"Well maybe in your head you thought it would work but obviously it didn't!" Snyder snapped before motioning for the guards to come. "And another thing Miss Graff, you can cancel your weekend appointments because you're going to be spending a lot of time here." He said evilly as the officers dragged a screaming Rayanne back inside the building.


End file.
